The SAG Awards 2011

Oooh. Another awards, another chance to bitch and moan. The SAG (Screen Actors Guild) Awards were on last night in Los Angeles. You know me, any major awards and I am glued to the TV to see what my favorite women are wearing and of course what they shouldn’t be wearing.
Oh so exciting. Here is it. The SAG’s 2011.

January Jones – Really? Was the idea to go as a Ming vase? If yes, you have done an amazing job. If no, then I must congratulate you on making a such a statement, on the dial to “wrong”. You have officially failed. Not that you have really ever impressed me before, but this time you have really gone too far. You have an amazing body, that is clear. Why cover it up with black and gold? Eww. GoodISH hair thou. E+

January Jones

Christina Hendricks – Seriously? I know that she is on a mission for women to love their bodies and so forth. I thought have Trinny & Susannah, Gok and J.Lo, would be enough, but apparently not. She looks like she has been sucking on a lemon prior stepping out the limo. Make up looks rushed and little body bronzer would have been great. Thank you for trying. C-

Christina Hendricks

Natalie Portman – I feel that I should be nice as she is with child. So, all I will say that Great clutch. C

Natalie Portman

Nicole Kidman – She isn’t preggers, right? I get the idea of the dress, I do. It’s just the execution I have issues with. There isn’t anything “wrong” with the dress so to speak. It just doesn’t work. Nicole actually looks like the older version of her character in “Practical Magic”.
I am not feeling magical. C

Nicole Kidman

Eva Longoria – Her divorce has been finalized, good for her. This dress sends out a message. “I am single and I can wear what ever hell I want, no matter how I might look in it”. Well done Eva. Very happy you are back on the market. However, the dress. The cutouts? Are you taking the piss? Or being dead serious? Flawless hair and make up. The shade of the dress is lovely. The shape isn’t. C
Eva Longoria
Hilary Swank – The Sporty Spice of Hollywood (minus 10% of fat). I adore her. Always have, always will. Ever since she claimed to be the princess of Finland in PS. I love you. Adore. This dress is just gorgeous. Her hair looks amazing and her makeup is flawless. Loves it. One of my favorite looks. A-

Hilary Swank

Amy Adams –  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! Who forgot to put on bronzer? I mean there is pale and then there is ghostly. Pale is fine, think of Kate Winslet, gorgeous. Who ever wanted to look like Casper The Friendly Ghost? I certainly did not. This woman needs help. Quickly. C

Amy Adams

Melissa Leo – HELLO WORLD, can you see me? I don’t know who she is. I am thinking I should know who she is, but let’s just go with Melissa, right? She must be a star of some up and coming TV show and she thought she needed to make a mark at the red carpet. Well, there is no missing her. You could see her from space. Jesus. There is silver sheen dresses and then there is this. Looks like foil with a shine agent sprayed over. I am sending her the bill of my up and coming eye surgery. My corneas hurt. D

Melissa Leo

Lea Michelle – Now this I can get on board with. After her horrendous pink gown at The Golden Globes, she has finally taken note of my comments and came back fighting. One of my favorite looks of the evening for sure. Gorgeous shade of silver (this is how you do it right), flowing lock, great makeup and accessories. She looks stunning. Only thing that bothers me is the low V at the front. Had it been a little narrower and higher, she would have got top marks. For the unnecessary flesh, I give her: A-

Lea Michelle

Claire Danes – I still love “My So Called Life”, should really get it on DVD. Anyway, love the dress. Totally. Gorgeous. However, what is going on with her face? Did we over or under do the make up? Hating the lipstick, hair looks a mess and she looks a little stunned. Perhaps she had a shot of tequila and it now struggling to stand up?

Claire Danes

Angie Harmon – Another actress that I have no clue who she is. This is not Angie’s fault so to speak, I just must start watching more TV. Now the dress is definitely unique and people will remember her for wearing this dress, I am not just too sure if they remember her for the right reasons. She looks like a pink duster! I am sure someone said “fierce” and she ran with it. Sadly, I am not a huge fan. Plus her hair was two-tone. Pet hate. Points for trying. B

Angie Harmon

Susan Sarandon – You know those women of certain age, that still insist wearing gowns that were made for women half their age? Thankfully Susan isn’t one of them. She looks like a statue. Incredible. The color of the dress suits her skin tone perfectly. Simple up-do, classic make up. Perfect. Melissa Leo, are you taking notes? She falls into the same category as Helen Mirren. Ladies, if you are over certain age, do keep it covered up. Tone down the tan and the makeup and so forth. Class doesn’t come with age, it comes from within, but you can fake it. A-

Susan Sarandon

Kim Kardashian – Kim, I do feel that we need to sit down and have a chat. This is now getting ridiculous. I adore you, we all know this. You wear ridiculously high heels and mince around town, often changing your outfits few times a day. This I salute you. So you can imagine my disappointment when I lay my eyes on this dress. Now, the shade of purple is quite nice against your skin. The silver detailing isn’t and don’t even get me started on little flesh on show on the side. Kim, keep it together. Stop dressing like a courtesan. Many Thanks. C

Kim Kardashian

Mariska Hargitay – I have no words. Her garish gown has stolen all my words. Goodbye. D-

Mariska Hargitay

Jennifer Lawrence – WHO IS SHE? Most importantly, why has she come dressed as a Christmas decoration on MDMA? Total loon. This shade of pink is for cat beds only. E

Jennifer Lawrence

Julianna Margulies – Blood sausage comes to mind. The shape of the dress is lovely, but the colour washes her out. Unless of course she is part of the “Casper” gang. C.

Julianna Margulies

Why am I constantly disappointed with this year’s awards so far? Is it me or is it them? Meh.

Fearne Cotton – NTA 2011

The National Television Awards were on last night. I was eagerly waiting to see what the cream of UK TV wore to the occasion. As per usual, there was a lot of polyester, ill-fitting satin and Versace looking cheap. I went through the photos desperately looking for something amazing. The ONLY outfit I truly like was Fearne Cotton. Great little number. Fearne’s choices sometimes leave me wanting more, but last night her effortless mixing of colors and textures with fabulous shoes left me stunned. The girl did GREAT!

Fearne Cotton at NTA 2011