Dear Nicole Scherzinger

BLOCKED

I am starting to adore Nicole Scherzinger even more and all because of this great little number. One of the strongest trends for S/S 2011 is colour blocking. Those of you who are not in the know, this means wearing block colours in contrasting colours. Well, that’s what I means to me. Therefore, that’s how it is on msalonen.com from now on. Sorted.

Anyway, as we all know Nicole was the strongest (if not the only singer) in Pussycat Dolls and from the first video, she made it very clear that she was the girl-in-charge. That long raven hair, beautiful (little Persian looking, minus moustache) face and most likely one of the best bodies in the business has catapulted her into A-List straight through GO and collecting the 200 bucks. This all was obviously helped by the fact that she is dating a cartoon character from F1. I always thought her singing wasn’t really as good as we thought it was until she performed at last year’s XFactor. She may have not sounded “amaze”, but she looked shit hot and sang her little heart out, LIVE. She remains as one of the only acts to sing live on that stage. Loved her energy, confidence and sex appeal, which was only made cuter by the fact that she sounds like a little teeny mouse when she speaks. Adores. don’t even get me started on how cute she was as a judge. UGH.

Where was I? Oh yes, so with this little outfit she has just cemented her spot on my list “The ones to watch, fashion wise”. She does sometimes get it horrendously wrong, such as the tight high ruffled boots the other week, that made her legs looks like pale sausages. I have forgiven her for that and really can’t wait to see how she works the other S/S 2011 trends. This green dress snuggles her amazing curves like nobody’s business and the little jacket is perfection, as it the hat. PLUS anyone who can walk in THOSE heels deserves a small medal. Fabulous. Nicole, I salute you. You are poison on my mind.

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Dear Heidi Klum

Heidi Klum, I salute you. I mean seriously, anyone who removes their underwear in order to donate something in a goody bag, deserves a medal from me. The rest of the world is calling her tacky and unladylike. I think she has SPUNK! I have always had a soft spot for Heidi and her fellow angel Tyra, just think that they are both incredibly beautiful and intelligent women. They have both managed to use their good looks to kick-start what seems to be a career spanning over decades. Heidi our German Angel has turned herself into a presenter of one of the biggest fashion shows on the telly, Project Runway, which has a cult following and a show I can’t get enough of, currently watching few seasons together. I loves it. Every week Heidi rocks it out with her fashion choices and the cuteness that is her character. Now, she has further nailed herself as one of my icons by taking off her underwear in public. Does not get much better than that. Heidi, you are a star. Loves it.

Work it out!

Read more at DailyMail.

Red Carpet : The Academy Awards 2011

 The biggest night in the entertainment industry and the stars were out in full force to attend the 83rd (right?) Academy Awards. I always look forward to these awards as it is very nearly the end of the award season and I am quite done with looking at dress after dress. Specially as this season I have been served with a lot of crap quite honestly. You can understand my desperation to see some amazing looks and truly enjoy the nearly morning of entertainment. Thankfully Lady GaGa was not invited, I would have had to dismiss her dressing up like  fried egg for this occasion. Born This Way? Honey, no. You weren’t born with horns on your face. Distracted, yes. Annoyed, very much so! I had my wine (can’t concentrate without wine) and I was vibrating from all the coffee I had, I was ready to take on the Oscars. Bring it on! Below is a small selection of the red carpet looks that I for whatever reason paid attention to…
Reese Witherspoon – high pony tail hell

Reese, high pony tail hell, in one sentence. Very “old” look for someone her age. I usually adore Reese and her pointy chin. It’s just fabulous. She is very good at knocking my socks off. However, this time I find it quite dull. For someone who is as stunning as she is and has the access to any designer she wants, she went and picked this. Confuses me to no end. I love seeing her in uber feminine gowns with lots of floaty fabrics, feathers and layers. She can rock the princess look like nobody business. Perhaps this is a classic look for her. She now has the trophy and wanted to attend looking like an Oscar Winner. Honey, we all know you have one and that’s no reason to start dressing like your mother. LOVE the earrings thou. C+

Penelope Cruz – Show girls are us

Penelope, let’s start by stating that I would like her to only speak Spanish from now on. She is so much cooler when she speaks Spanish, her real character comes to live and I love her. When she is speaking English, she bores me to death. Luckily this dress however isn’t boring. I am not so sure if it is “Oscar material” though. It looks more like a dress for a someone who is presenting a game show on a shopping channel. There isn’t anything “wrong” with the dress, just don’t think its appropriate. Little too OTT. Great for the after show parties, but for the show. Not so much. Disappointed. D

Jennifer Hudson – Sunny delight

Jennifer, another Oscar winner, another weird attempt to wow the crowds. I still think she is suffering from “weight loss induced coma”. Her body is blowing everyone’s heads off and she wants to make most of the new attention, enter ORANGE! Nothing screams for attention to orange sheen. Now, the dress isn’t all that bad, shame about the color. It fits her beautifully, tight on the waist and ladies, showing of her new toned figure. From the front the dress isn’t all that bad. The back of it is so offensive, I won’t even include a photo. Shame. I hope she eats a BIG FAT CAKE and gets some sense into her pretty head. C-

Amy Adams – Midnight dream

Amy, one of my favourite dresses. Absolutely. Such a shame it is on her. No, I don’t mean that. She should have put more effort in as this dress is wearing her. She is just the hanger for that amazing gown to be displayed on. Had she dyed her hair slightly darker and worn it up on a high bun, smoky eye, nude lip: The works so to speak. She would have looked sensational. This dress has everything going for it and Amy just needed to match the dresses effort. I also need her to lose the necklace. Its distracting. Thank you kindly. B+ (for the dress) 

Gwyneth Paltrow – The golden sausage

Gwyneth, I fear this dress is almost as bad as the infamous see thru black thing she wore few years back. The shape and color are different, the effect is the same. I do not love it. Odd shade of gold to choose for the tone of your skin. Makes everything look a little washed out. I adored her on recent episode of Glee, she was amazing, sassy, chic and very funny. Plus she does have one of the best set of legs I have seen in a long time. Again, seems that there was no effort with the hair. Were all the hair people on strike? I am wishing on a bra. C-

Celine Dion – The Stiffy

Why is Celine Dion on the red carpet? Surely the entertainment should go in at the back door? Specially if they are dressed like this? Now, Mr Salonen lets calm down. I mean really, for a woman of her age (how old is she? 60?), she looks great. Hair is working, make up is nice and simple and the low-cut front isn’t offensive. I am just not a fan of the hem line. Looks stiff, like it will be difficult to get up the stairs. I always let Celine’s long face interfere with my judgement. I shouldn’t have. I must apologise. Sorry! C

Sandra Bullock – A.M.A.Z.E

Sandra, A-M-A-Z-E! My number one look for the evening. Absolutely sensational gown by Vera Wang and perfect for Sandra. Last year (was it), she won an Oscar and then her private life went to shit to be honest. So, she is back with revenge. I mean you try to look your best just in case your ex is watching or you do this, you pull out all the stops and make sure you stand out on the red carpet. I am in awe. This could also be because she is one of my fav ever personalities and always makes me cry with laughter. I adore Sandra Bullock, so I am perhaps a little biased. Oh well. My site, my rules. Deal with it. A

Anne Hathaway – Washed out in Valentino

Above Anne, is the correct way to do a red dress. This one, not so much. The shade of red manages to wash away Anne completely. She looks little lost almost. The thing is that red is a difficult colour to wear, especially when it is pill-box red. Not a lot of women can get away with it, Anne included. I know it’s Valentino and all that, but I am not a fan of the colour, the shape or the fit. It’s all little “off”. Good try thou. Not so good on the execution. D

Sharon Stone – Crow killer

Sharon, right, so here we have a woman on the verge of psychosis. She has suddenly realized that she isn’t as young as she used to be and all the things she was admired for years ago are heading south, no matter how many staples she uses to keep things pointing north. I am now convinced that the hair people were all on strike. That can be the only explanation for this hideousness that is Sharon’s hair. Her face looks a little tight. Have had more experience with the knife or suffering from a Croydon Facelift? Which is it? Now the dress isn’t all that bad, it would be quite nice really without the dead crow on the shoulder. Am I being too harsh or is this the truth that everyone is thinking? I think she looks tight and not in a good place. D

Hilary Swank – In need of a sausage

Hilary, I am in tow minds, on the other hand I love this look. Very pretty, princess like fairy tale type look. On the other hand she might look a little like a dust buster. I worry about Hilary, she gives me sleepless nights. I kinda want to sit down with her and eat nachos. She could put on a pound or 11. I am perfectly aware that her body type is “lean and mean”. That’s fine, but for this look she could have looked a little “fuller”. Not Simon. Perhaps hair worn down on gorgeous curls would have helped to soften the look. Then again, they could have taken away from the dress. Difficult. Final judgement? I adore it. There, decision made, now I just have to stick to it.  Bummer. A-

Halle Berry – In need of clarification

Halle, ok, again I am not decided. I love the top half. She looks like a sassy pixie. Love it. Once your eyes go southbound it all gets a little too much. Is there a trend going on that I am not aware? Perfectly gorgeous dresses from the top turn into some sort of major international disasters before you hit the feet. I am confused. It’s just too much. Far too much. We should have toned the hem down a little. Huge shame. She could have been on my top 5. Now not so much. Halle, I expected more from you. C

Cate Blanchett – The Elf Queen

Cate, finally, someone tried something different. Undecided if this was a success. Now, the front of the dress blows my head away in so many ways. I adore it. The back of the dress had some sort of urine color beading. Not so lush. I love Cate. She is the Elf Queen. Good for her for doing something different, yet not arriving in an egg (GaGa are you listening?). I do think she looks great. Hair is working, make up is gorgeous. Looks very simple with the “complicated” dress. Great effort and execution. Bravo. (Just not sure about pee shade bead work). B+

Florence Welch – The peed

Florence, great couture piece. Shame that it descends into pee shade at the hem line. Yuck. D

Mila Kunis – Slutsville?

Mila, one of the sluttiest looks of the evening. I am not going to give her anything else. Goodbye.

 Since this is all about gorgeous gowns and so forth, I wanted to give you a chance to win simply stunning dress by Christopher Kane. He is one of the Contributing Editors at My Daily and they have a this competition running to get your hands on Christopher Kane design for A/W 2011. Whats not to like? Just click here to enter! Good Luck!

Dear Nicole Kidman




Is this a joke?

Nicole Mary Kidman, you have left me stunned. Not because you married a gay actor and then came to your senses and divorced the little midget, but because you were dressed in jewelled crap at the Academy Awards. Gone are the days of the gorgeous dresses by Galliano and Balenciaga and now we are presented with this. What is it? I know again we have gone for Galliano for Dior, usually a match made in heaven, however I am thinking that Nicole is only wearing this to support the suspended lunatic. I can totally understand loyalty to your friends. We all do things that we are not that keen on, just to support our friends through rough times, but wearing this jewelled oriental looking wedding dress isn’t going to help anyone, quite the opposite to be honest.


The dress is just so wrong, the shade of white screams bridal, the jewels are far too obvious and trashy and the shape of the dress makes you look bloated and plain. For a jewelled dress, this is quite a success to be honest. I am also thinking that the hair dresser had the night off due to a mix up, clearly you pulled that pony tail together in the limo. Way too casual for the biggest night of the year. Make up look pretty average, you look pretty, that’s it. I was expecting a knock out from you Miss Kidman, sadly I got served sweet & sour bride and now my teeth hurt from the sparkles. *spits*

Brits – Red Carpet 2011

First came and went The Grammys and then mere 48hrs later it was time for The Brits. Sadly over the past few years this awards ceremony has been pretty dull, this year wasn’t that much better. James whats-his-name, the presenter was trying SO hard to be funny and failed miserably. Take That as a five piece again, Robbie screaming out “shabba”, Cheryl Cole was steaming drunk, Rihanna thought she won an Oscar and we had riot police on two occasions on stage. Dullness. However, as the Grammy Awards turned out to be a total wash out in fashion stakes, I was eager to see what the British music people would serve up.
I was hoping for Sunday Roast, instead I got Fish & Chips. 

Rihanna
Bless her for flying over to London for the awards. She must be tired and jet lagged from all the travelling and clearly this has affected her style choices. Admittedly this turquoise number is far better than the doily creation 48hrs ago. However, I am now seriously annoyed with her hair. The red is no longer RED, but washed out Liverpool skank red. Not a good look. Surely she has access to a hair dresser 24/7? The thing is, if you go red, you need to keep it up every 10 days at least. Anyway, the dress isn’t half bad, I just don’t like it. There I said it. C

Rihanna - One way ticket to Liverpool

 Adele
Hello, OLD lady Adele. Now, don’t get me wrong, she has an incredible talent. I got a little teary as she performed. Her voice is beautiful. Amazing even, but there is no reason to dress like 60-year-old when you are in your early 20’s. I don’t know if she has an issue with her size and struggles to find stuff that fit without looking trashy. Her makeup was flawless, gorgeous accessories but starting from the hair and teamed with that dress. It’s just scream OAP.  Adele, you are only young once. Enjoy it. I am not asking you to wear short skirts and have your tits out, but just wear something younger. I adore you and want you to be amazing. B

Adele - The first OAP to win a Brit Award

 Avril Lavinge
Prior to the Brits, Avril was seen partying in Camden and in the early hours she decided that it was indeed a GREAT idea to take some crayons to her hair. I mean why wouldn’t you? I can think of 100 reasons why keep the crayons off the hair, but I shall keep them to myself. It’s a shame really, cute dress, great heels and the look is pretty great to be honest. Only been trashed by her multi colored locks. I am also SO over her never-changing smudged smoky eye. She is still young. I have faith. C

Step away from the crayons!

Kimberly Wyatt
Do we think that she is a little annoyed how famous Nicole is and she only really has a B-grade TV show, where she watches random dancers and so forth. I mean seriously, Davina is the best thing about that show and she isn’t even dancing and I don’t like Davina. Anyway, I can see what she was trying to achieve with this look. Simple and clean look. Sadly she has been left looking a little washed out. Girl needs a little bronzer and some injection of colour. Maybe a little clutch or different shoes. It also seems that her hair has already “dropped”. Shame. She is trying so hard. C

Davina's Side Kick - Sadly

Paloma Faith
Firstly I have never heard her sing before and rather not hear that shrieking again. I have seen her on various events, wearing all sorts of garments. None of which have impressed me greatly. I am now going to put her into my “your sense of style concerns me” – box. I just done get it. Perhaps its me? No, can’t be. It’s her and her dubious choices. D

Paloma stole my faith

Tess Daly
Must admit I do love her look. She has this effortless sense of style. Not too keen on the color, could have been stronger and her hair looks a little milk lady like. Chunky shoes too. Oh, seems that I am now ripping her outfit apart. Right then. Perhaps I don’t like it in the end. I may be favouring her after her husband’s behaviour. I do hope she kicked him hard. Gorgeous woman with a great sense of style. Let’s leave it at that. B

Soon on BBC with Kelly O in Ladies in Lavender

Preeya Kalidis
I don’t know who she is? What am I missing? All I know I do not like her black shiny cat suit with stripper heels. She looks cheap and tacky and like she should be serving drinks in a bar in Manchester. Not that I have ever been to Manchester. Must visit or not. I am worried about her mental health. Why would you pick choose to wear this? At least there is no camel toe effect. That would have made my head spin, in a way that it’s not advisable. D

Preeya Kalidis - please do not repeat this mistake

Cheryl Cole
I wasn’t expecting much to be perfectly honest. Me and Cheryl go way back and don’t seem to agree on anything. From the front this dress is actually quite stunning, but then she turned around and we got a view of the back. Nothing wrong with open back, unless of course the lady in question has a “tramp stamp”. Totally ruins the look. Not a pretty sight. I am glad however that her hair is no longer mahogany (she is clearly listening) and she did look cute. It’s the tattoo that bothers me. Also, was she absolutely hammered or has she now developed a speaking problem? I am guessing she was hitting the free booze hard..You know, you can take the girl out of Newcastle… D

Cheryl Cole - The Nations Tramp Stamp

Alesha
How long are her legs? Well done on maximizing her best assets. My only problem is that it now seems that she always dresses for “dancing”. It can happen any time, that someone is going to ask her to break into salsa. It can happen to anyone, eventually the rhythm is going to get you. I am not a big fan of the jacket. If you are going to go all out, then do it properly. Plus last night it wasn’t really that cold. Silly little dancing girl. C

Alesha - High Kicking all the way

 Jessie J
I have never noticed that her legs are like sausages. My goodness. She has the same dilemma as every other starlet. How to compete with Lady GaGa and her facial inserts? The good news was the GaGa wasn’t even nominated nor at the show, so Jessie did not have to hack into the hemline with scissors. I am not loving her bangs. Would love to see what she actually looks like. The shade of green is pretty great on her thou. Shoes look cool. Yet, I am not convinced. C

Jessie J - Sausage.com

Corinne Bailey Rae 
Perhaps one of my fav looks of the night. Sexy, young and very chic. The colour is great on her, simple accessories and big hair. Plus she is pouting to high heaven. Always helps.
Thank you for making my post Brits morning a little brighter. A-

 

In other news, Sophie EB came in a dress I swear I have seen before bit over the look already. Eliza Doolittle has taken a note from Jordan and is on a killing spree and slaughtering muppets, she also had perhaps the worst shoes ever. Heidi Range was on her way to fix some cars in her overalls and Katherine Jenkins could have stayed home. Fearne Cotton was wearing a great little studded dress with hideous red shoes. I am done with the red carpet looks..well at least until The Academy Awards.

Grammy Awards 2011 – Red Carpet

The biggest event in the music calendar of the year and the stars were coming in heavy (some more than others). Egg hatching Lady GaGa and doily wearing Rihanna, made sure that the night wasn’t going to be boring. Anything but to be honest. The fashion was there, some of it not so great. Here are my thoughts on some of the ladies walking the red carpet this gone weekend. I wish I could somehow get inside these women’s heads while they were getting ready, just to see what the hell they were thinking. From the selection below you will soon realize that I wasn’t not particularly happy with these years efforts. Same offenders doing the dirty work. For most I wish they had good friends to tell them that they do not look great, even if the gays are saying fierce.

Nicki Minaj
Right, not quite sure where to start. Her hair seems to have been replaced by giant polyester-candy-cotton type material, which clearly got some damage from her curling iron. If you are using a curling iron on polyester, you must set it on “low”. This will avoid the black burn marks, which are never attractive. Now the outfit, hmmm. I do like leopard print, but when it’s taken to this level, it becomes a little much. It’s really is a shame that Nicki feels the need to go over board when she gets dressed. She is a star in rising and had to compete with ducking GaGa. It’s not easy being Nicki, I am sure. However, outfits like this isn’t going to make it any easier. FACT. Points for trying. D-

Nicki Minaj - The Lost Leopard Lady

Jennifer Lopez
Not quite sure where to start..The shade of silver is amazing against her skin tone. Her shoes are feroosh and liking the clutch (and wondering what she carries with her). I get the idea, fun and playful, little latino and a lot of Jenny from the block. I get it. I just don’t like it very much. The dress is an inch too short, you are a mother of twins, it is time to cover it up a little. The golden rule, either have your legs or your boobs out, but not both. Immediately the look becomes cheap and tacky. She kinda looks like herself 10 years ago. I didn’t like it then and I don’t like it now. C (love the shoes)

Jennifer Lopez - The Latina Disco Queen

Kim Kardashian
This one is clearly not listening at all. I have not been a fan of Kim’s latest looks and this one is no exception. She looks like a Persian Princess minus the moustache. This gold dress makes her look a lot bigger than she actually is. She is famed for having great curves and knows how to play them to her advantage, however this time it just looks like she got hold of some cheap looking gold fabric, cut some pieces out and draped it around herself. If she was wearing a tiara, I would think she was the lost princess of Egypt. Also wish she cut her hair a little, playboy bunny hair is only a good idea within the four walls of the mansion. Again thou, great heels. C-

Kim Kardashian - The Persian Princess minus tach

Heidi Klum
Kim, take note. This is how you do gold. Granted Heidi Klum is a wonder woman who can wear pretty much anything she wants to, but this gold number is a winner. Just the right shade of gold for her tanned German complexion. Amaze. Enough said. B+ (as I am not sure about the cross arm sleeve business).

Heidi Klum - My golden girl (minus sleeves)

Katy Perry
Dear Miss Perry, are you wearing wings? If yes, please explain why. Last time I checked you were not 14 and attending a garden tea party organised by Claire three doors down. This was your choice for the biggest event of the year? Seriously? Or are you taking the piss? You often go a little over the top with your red carpet choices, these choices often confuse me as other times you NAIL it. Remember the stunning gown you wore to the 2009 EMAs? Do you remember? The dress was playful but grown up. Something that you do SO well, when you want to. This year’s Grammys, you clearly didn’t want to. You served me a fluff, jewelled boobs and wings. I am disappointed yet again. GREAT hair thou. D+

Katy Perry - The Tea Party attendee

Jennifer Hudson
I am in love with her new shape. Good for her for taking control. Sadly, she seems to have fallen into the old trap, she has lost weight, but still struggles to find clothes that fit proper. I mean her hooters are being strangled by the cups. Those puppies are screaming to get out and enjoy some fresh air. The dress is actually pretty great, like it. It’s all working for Jennifer, its written all over her beautiful face. That smile is a sure sign of a great look. Shame about strangled boobs! A-

Jennifer Hudson - Let the puppies breathe

Ciara
I want to love this look, I really do. She tried something different, you know to compete with the Rihanna’s and Lady GaGa’s, but ended up looking like she lost the fight with the OAP she tried to steal the dress fabric from. I have said this before, do not try to steal from little old ladies, they will beat you up. Specially if you have your eyes on their curtains, table cloths of bed linen. In any case, these materials barely make a nice flowing dress and you have to cut a slit that goes so close to the mango, I can almost smell it. Tacky, that’s is all. E+

Ciara - I can smell your mango

Kelly Osbourne

Ladies in Lavender is being made into a special two-hour TV Film, now starring Kelly O and her mother. Tricky color and works much better on darker skin tones. Her tattoos always cheapen any look she serves up, shame. You know what, I will let her off. She is young and recently lost half of her body weight and now wants to celebrate her new frame. Good for you! I do however have some ideas on how to improve your look. You know where to find me when you are ready to listen. C

Kelly Osbourne - Coming to you on BBC this summer

Lady GaGa
The marketing genius that is Lady GaGa arrived in an egg, as you do. Remember before she launched “telephone” she had telephone receivers growing out of her breasts? This is just the same really, only this time she is hatched to “Born This Way”. Good for her for creating buzz around the new single and launching it in a spectacular fashion (did you see the dance moves? Impressed). She is truly is genius for self marketing. I would like to comment on the red carpet outfit. She looked like an egg. There. Her on stage outfit was more beige pvc, which revolts me and when she picked up one of her three awards she re worked one of Madonna’s looks from Blonde Ambition. GaGa I salute your talent, your determination and your take on issues. Your lack of style however concerns me. E

Lady GaGa - Egg wearing style icon?

Dear Rihanna

Right, I am well aware that you were most likely thinking how to make an impression on the red carpet at Grammys 2011. Few years back, you were the star in rising and had the world by its balls. Then hit Lady GaGa. You knew you had your work cut out for you. We all knew that GaGa would turn up in an egg (as you do), Nicki Minaj turned up looking like she had been rolling in the jungle with a sword and went home via a polyester factory. Katy Perry came dressed as an angel on acid. Let’s just say the competition of the “best” dress was fierce. However, there was no reason to come dressed as a dustbuster. Seriously. It is time to reign in the madness that is happening and put on some garments Miss Red. (I haven’t even got the energy to comment about her hair, revolting). We all know you have an amazing body, but wrapping it in what seems to be doily particles makes me wonder if your amazing body is worth your style choices. The things I would dress you in would make GaGa’s rubber/PVC/beef options look tame and classless. You have all the right ingredients to WOW me on the red carpet, sadly again you did not.
Please get in touch with any questions.

Doily particles

Dear Cyndi Lauper

I am well aware, that sometimes life throws such curve balls at you that you don’t really know which way is up or down or down. I am very familiar with these situations, mostly because I am a bit of a drama queen. I have to admit that I sometimes create drama, just to keep things interesting. I over think and plan and panic about everything. It’s really quite ridiculous, so I am working on it. However, no matter how manic my day is; I always make sure I do not leave the house looking red raw, like good old Cyndi Lauper did this week. I very nearly drowned in my protein shake as I came across this photo. I mean SERIOUSLY! If you do have a little peel ( I am thinking this is the only possibility), you then make extreme precautions NOT to be seen out and about without 100% coverage. Nobody needs to be seen this “Beef Carpaccio” look. Ever. Cindy, I love your work, you are a total star, but for this sparkle has gone. Next time I see you, I will immediately remember this face. Not good. Keep it covered, I am asking nicely.

For an alternative, she could have tried DermaQuest’s Pumpkin Peel. It is a much gentler way to roll back the years and won’t leave you looking like munchkin. Before my 32 birhtday I will go and have one done, results to be shown as a diary once started! Very exciting! For your own appointment and more info, you can click here.

Cyndi Lauper - Beef Carpaccio

 

 

Dear Katie Price

I am fully aware that your life is in total mess. Another husband has been locked out the house, another public divorce and your ex has already moved on. I have no issue with you as a person, but I wish I could have a go at dressing you as clearly you cannot be trusted do it yourself. If this is the work of a stylist, I truly believe they are blind. Firstly, I am NOT loving the blonde hair. The dark brunette made you look somewhat classier. Obviously not classy, but somewhat better. You have done the blonde look to death and with the ratty extensions, I bet your hair smells of dead people. The sunglasses may be D&G, but that doesn’t mean that YOU should be wearing sunglasses made for 12-year-old Italian girls. Since you are the colour of mahogany, these frames just point out the fact that your natural skin colour is long gone. I don’t know if it is your stressful life, but I would also highly recommended a new skin care routine! Seriously. As for the rest of the outfit, sparkling t-shirt that looks like it should be worn into a beach party in Spain, not in the UK. You have also murdered a muppet and worn it as a gilet. Next time, pick a colour of a muppet that won’t make you look like you have been eating fake tan or just refrain from murdering muppets full stop.
Just a thought.

Miss Price

 

The SAG Awards 2011

Oooh. Another awards, another chance to bitch and moan. The SAG (Screen Actors Guild) Awards were on last night in Los Angeles. You know me, any major awards and I am glued to the TV to see what my favorite women are wearing and of course what they shouldn’t be wearing.
Oh so exciting. Here is it. The SAG’s 2011.

January Jones – Really? Was the idea to go as a Ming vase? If yes, you have done an amazing job. If no, then I must congratulate you on making a such a statement, on the dial to “wrong”. You have officially failed. Not that you have really ever impressed me before, but this time you have really gone too far. You have an amazing body, that is clear. Why cover it up with black and gold? Eww. GoodISH hair thou. E+

January Jones

Christina Hendricks – Seriously? I know that she is on a mission for women to love their bodies and so forth. I thought have Trinny & Susannah, Gok and J.Lo, would be enough, but apparently not. She looks like she has been sucking on a lemon prior stepping out the limo. Make up looks rushed and little body bronzer would have been great. Thank you for trying. C-

Christina Hendricks

Natalie Portman – I feel that I should be nice as she is with child. So, all I will say that Great clutch. C

Natalie Portman

Nicole Kidman – She isn’t preggers, right? I get the idea of the dress, I do. It’s just the execution I have issues with. There isn’t anything “wrong” with the dress so to speak. It just doesn’t work. Nicole actually looks like the older version of her character in “Practical Magic”.
I am not feeling magical. C

Nicole Kidman

Eva Longoria – Her divorce has been finalized, good for her. This dress sends out a message. “I am single and I can wear what ever hell I want, no matter how I might look in it”. Well done Eva. Very happy you are back on the market. However, the dress. The cutouts? Are you taking the piss? Or being dead serious? Flawless hair and make up. The shade of the dress is lovely. The shape isn’t. C
Eva Longoria
Hilary Swank – The Sporty Spice of Hollywood (minus 10% of fat). I adore her. Always have, always will. Ever since she claimed to be the princess of Finland in PS. I love you. Adore. This dress is just gorgeous. Her hair looks amazing and her makeup is flawless. Loves it. One of my favorite looks. A-

Hilary Swank

Amy Adams –  SHUT THE FRONT DOOR! Who forgot to put on bronzer? I mean there is pale and then there is ghostly. Pale is fine, think of Kate Winslet, gorgeous. Who ever wanted to look like Casper The Friendly Ghost? I certainly did not. This woman needs help. Quickly. C

Amy Adams

Melissa Leo – HELLO WORLD, can you see me? I don’t know who she is. I am thinking I should know who she is, but let’s just go with Melissa, right? She must be a star of some up and coming TV show and she thought she needed to make a mark at the red carpet. Well, there is no missing her. You could see her from space. Jesus. There is silver sheen dresses and then there is this. Looks like foil with a shine agent sprayed over. I am sending her the bill of my up and coming eye surgery. My corneas hurt. D

Melissa Leo

Lea Michelle – Now this I can get on board with. After her horrendous pink gown at The Golden Globes, she has finally taken note of my comments and came back fighting. One of my favorite looks of the evening for sure. Gorgeous shade of silver (this is how you do it right), flowing lock, great makeup and accessories. She looks stunning. Only thing that bothers me is the low V at the front. Had it been a little narrower and higher, she would have got top marks. For the unnecessary flesh, I give her: A-

Lea Michelle

Claire Danes – I still love “My So Called Life”, should really get it on DVD. Anyway, love the dress. Totally. Gorgeous. However, what is going on with her face? Did we over or under do the make up? Hating the lipstick, hair looks a mess and she looks a little stunned. Perhaps she had a shot of tequila and it now struggling to stand up?

Claire Danes

Angie Harmon – Another actress that I have no clue who she is. This is not Angie’s fault so to speak, I just must start watching more TV. Now the dress is definitely unique and people will remember her for wearing this dress, I am not just too sure if they remember her for the right reasons. She looks like a pink duster! I am sure someone said “fierce” and she ran with it. Sadly, I am not a huge fan. Plus her hair was two-tone. Pet hate. Points for trying. B

Angie Harmon

Susan Sarandon – You know those women of certain age, that still insist wearing gowns that were made for women half their age? Thankfully Susan isn’t one of them. She looks like a statue. Incredible. The color of the dress suits her skin tone perfectly. Simple up-do, classic make up. Perfect. Melissa Leo, are you taking notes? She falls into the same category as Helen Mirren. Ladies, if you are over certain age, do keep it covered up. Tone down the tan and the makeup and so forth. Class doesn’t come with age, it comes from within, but you can fake it. A-

Susan Sarandon

Kim Kardashian – Kim, I do feel that we need to sit down and have a chat. This is now getting ridiculous. I adore you, we all know this. You wear ridiculously high heels and mince around town, often changing your outfits few times a day. This I salute you. So you can imagine my disappointment when I lay my eyes on this dress. Now, the shade of purple is quite nice against your skin. The silver detailing isn’t and don’t even get me started on little flesh on show on the side. Kim, keep it together. Stop dressing like a courtesan. Many Thanks. C

Kim Kardashian

Mariska Hargitay – I have no words. Her garish gown has stolen all my words. Goodbye. D-

Mariska Hargitay

Jennifer Lawrence – WHO IS SHE? Most importantly, why has she come dressed as a Christmas decoration on MDMA? Total loon. This shade of pink is for cat beds only. E

Jennifer Lawrence

Julianna Margulies – Blood sausage comes to mind. The shape of the dress is lovely, but the colour washes her out. Unless of course she is part of the “Casper” gang. C.

Julianna Margulies

Why am I constantly disappointed with this year’s awards so far? Is it me or is it them? Meh.