Grammy Awards 2011 – Red Carpet

The biggest event in the music calendar of the year and the stars were coming in heavy (some more than others). Egg hatching Lady GaGa and doily wearing Rihanna, made sure that the night wasn’t going to be boring. Anything but to be honest. The fashion was there, some of it not so great. Here are my thoughts on some of the ladies walking the red carpet this gone weekend. I wish I could somehow get inside these women’s heads while they were getting ready, just to see what the hell they were thinking. From the selection below you will soon realize that I wasn’t not particularly happy with these years efforts. Same offenders doing the dirty work. For most I wish they had good friends to tell them that they do not look great, even if the gays are saying fierce.

Nicki Minaj
Right, not quite sure where to start. Her hair seems to have been replaced by giant polyester-candy-cotton type material, which clearly got some damage from her curling iron. If you are using a curling iron on polyester, you must set it on “low”. This will avoid the black burn marks, which are never attractive. Now the outfit, hmmm. I do like leopard print, but when it’s taken to this level, it becomes a little much. It’s really is a shame that Nicki feels the need to go over board when she gets dressed. She is a star in rising and had to compete with ducking GaGa. It’s not easy being Nicki, I am sure. However, outfits like this isn’t going to make it any easier. FACT. Points for trying. D-

Nicki Minaj - The Lost Leopard Lady

Jennifer Lopez
Not quite sure where to start..The shade of silver is amazing against her skin tone. Her shoes are feroosh and liking the clutch (and wondering what she carries with her). I get the idea, fun and playful, little latino and a lot of Jenny from the block. I get it. I just don’t like it very much. The dress is an inch too short, you are a mother of twins, it is time to cover it up a little. The golden rule, either have your legs or your boobs out, but not both. Immediately the look becomes cheap and tacky. She kinda looks like herself 10 years ago. I didn’t like it then and I don’t like it now. C (love the shoes)

Jennifer Lopez - The Latina Disco Queen

Kim Kardashian
This one is clearly not listening at all. I have not been a fan of Kim’s latest looks and this one is no exception. She looks like a Persian Princess minus the moustache. This gold dress makes her look a lot bigger than she actually is. She is famed for having great curves and knows how to play them to her advantage, however this time it just looks like she got hold of some cheap looking gold fabric, cut some pieces out and draped it around herself. If she was wearing a tiara, I would think she was the lost princess of Egypt. Also wish she cut her hair a little, playboy bunny hair is only a good idea within the four walls of the mansion. Again thou, great heels. C-

Kim Kardashian - The Persian Princess minus tach

Heidi Klum
Kim, take note. This is how you do gold. Granted Heidi Klum is a wonder woman who can wear pretty much anything she wants to, but this gold number is a winner. Just the right shade of gold for her tanned German complexion. Amaze. Enough said. B+ (as I am not sure about the cross arm sleeve business).

Heidi Klum - My golden girl (minus sleeves)

Katy Perry
Dear Miss Perry, are you wearing wings? If yes, please explain why. Last time I checked you were not 14 and attending a garden tea party organised by Claire three doors down. This was your choice for the biggest event of the year? Seriously? Or are you taking the piss? You often go a little over the top with your red carpet choices, these choices often confuse me as other times you NAIL it. Remember the stunning gown you wore to the 2009 EMAs? Do you remember? The dress was playful but grown up. Something that you do SO well, when you want to. This year’s Grammys, you clearly didn’t want to. You served me a fluff, jewelled boobs and wings. I am disappointed yet again. GREAT hair thou. D+

Katy Perry - The Tea Party attendee

Jennifer Hudson
I am in love with her new shape. Good for her for taking control. Sadly, she seems to have fallen into the old trap, she has lost weight, but still struggles to find clothes that fit proper. I mean her hooters are being strangled by the cups. Those puppies are screaming to get out and enjoy some fresh air. The dress is actually pretty great, like it. It’s all working for Jennifer, its written all over her beautiful face. That smile is a sure sign of a great look. Shame about strangled boobs! A-

Jennifer Hudson - Let the puppies breathe

Ciara
I want to love this look, I really do. She tried something different, you know to compete with the Rihanna’s and Lady GaGa’s, but ended up looking like she lost the fight with the OAP she tried to steal the dress fabric from. I have said this before, do not try to steal from little old ladies, they will beat you up. Specially if you have your eyes on their curtains, table cloths of bed linen. In any case, these materials barely make a nice flowing dress and you have to cut a slit that goes so close to the mango, I can almost smell it. Tacky, that’s is all. E+

Ciara - I can smell your mango

Kelly Osbourne

Ladies in Lavender is being made into a special two-hour TV Film, now starring Kelly O and her mother. Tricky color and works much better on darker skin tones. Her tattoos always cheapen any look she serves up, shame. You know what, I will let her off. She is young and recently lost half of her body weight and now wants to celebrate her new frame. Good for you! I do however have some ideas on how to improve your look. You know where to find me when you are ready to listen. C

Kelly Osbourne - Coming to you on BBC this summer

Lady GaGa
The marketing genius that is Lady GaGa arrived in an egg, as you do. Remember before she launched “telephone” she had telephone receivers growing out of her breasts? This is just the same really, only this time she is hatched to “Born This Way”. Good for her for creating buzz around the new single and launching it in a spectacular fashion (did you see the dance moves? Impressed). She is truly is genius for self marketing. I would like to comment on the red carpet outfit. She looked like an egg. There. Her on stage outfit was more beige pvc, which revolts me and when she picked up one of her three awards she re worked one of Madonna’s looks from Blonde Ambition. GaGa I salute your talent, your determination and your take on issues. Your lack of style however concerns me. E

Lady GaGa - Egg wearing style icon?

Dear Rihanna

Right, I am well aware that you were most likely thinking how to make an impression on the red carpet at Grammys 2011. Few years back, you were the star in rising and had the world by its balls. Then hit Lady GaGa. You knew you had your work cut out for you. We all knew that GaGa would turn up in an egg (as you do), Nicki Minaj turned up looking like she had been rolling in the jungle with a sword and went home via a polyester factory. Katy Perry came dressed as an angel on acid. Let’s just say the competition of the “best” dress was fierce. However, there was no reason to come dressed as a dustbuster. Seriously. It is time to reign in the madness that is happening and put on some garments Miss Red. (I haven’t even got the energy to comment about her hair, revolting). We all know you have an amazing body, but wrapping it in what seems to be doily particles makes me wonder if your amazing body is worth your style choices. The things I would dress you in would make GaGa’s rubber/PVC/beef options look tame and classless. You have all the right ingredients to WOW me on the red carpet, sadly again you did not.
Please get in touch with any questions.

Doily particles